Twilight
by VeggieVampBabe
Summary: This is how Twilight would have looked if S. Meyers hadn't dazzled us with so many big words. Slightly OOC. Rated M for bad language, but it's not too bad : Begins where Alice and Jazz take Bella to Arizona.


**Sadly, I don't own this. Just some of the things that happen :)**

James was hunting me. I was headed back to Arizona with Alice and Jasper, who were hiding me. I was scared, and alone. Edward, the love of my life, the one who I knew I would spend the rest of my days with despite the short time I had been with him, was off hunting James with the rest of the family. The drive down the motel we were staying in was a long one. Not that I minded the time to think, though.

_Why couldn't you be here Edward? _I thought. At the present time I was sitting in the motel room. Alice and Jasper were…hey! Where the hell were they? I walked around the small room, looking everywhere for them, and they were not to be found. Not even a note telling me where they would be. Are you kidding me? As I wandered around some more, I heard my cell phone ring. I ran over to get it but, being me, I tripped on a molecule of air and fell on my face. Thankfully I've learned that if I try to stop myself from falling or try to break my fall, it will hurt worse. So, although I acquired a bloody nose, my wrists were not broken. I got up and made it to my cell phone.

Since my phone is one of those really cool ones with the battery pack you have to lug around in a backpack, I didn't know who was calling. Who needs caller id?

"Hello?" I asked breathlessly into the receiver. I was trying to stop the blood flowing down my face, but when you have a bleeding nose it can't really be helped.

There was an evil chuckle on the other end. "Why hello dearest Bella. How are you?"

I sighed. "You know, you don't have to flatter me to get me to buy something. I enjoy spending all of my college fund and my father's already dwindling retirement fund away."

Another laugh. Boy this person liked to laugh! "Dearest Bella, don't you know who this is?"

I thought really hard about who could be calling me. But since I didn't have caller id, I had to guess. Then, suddenly, I knew who it was. My eyes widened in fear. "Oh…oh no."

"Yes dearest Bella. I'm sorry to tell you, but I've captured your friends Alice and Jasper," said the voice on the other end. I gasped as tears started to fill my eyes.

"Damn you, Rent-a-Center!" I shook my fist in the air. "Do you have to take away my friends as well? I told you, I'll bring back that furniture when I'm damn ready!"

There was a pause. "Uh…no. Bella this is James. I captured your friends and you have to come down to the ballet studio so I can try and kill you. OK?"

_Well if that's the case…_ I thought. "Ok," I agreed, "but on one condition."

James sighed. "What?"

"You have to let me wither on the floor after you bite me. You know, dramatic effect and all, OK!" James agreed and I started packing what I would need. I was going to be bitten by a vampire! I started humming lyrics to a song in my head. I wasn't sure which lyrics, but they were some. As I was packing, I heard the door the motel room burst open. I ran to go check who it was because, if it was a murderer or a rapist, they needed to know that I was about to call the police. It was only polite to give them a fair warning.

"Bella?"

My heart soared. I ran in and hugged the person in my room. Or should I say, vampire.

He smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead. "I was so worried about you baby." I nodded against his chest. I was worried about him too. I looked up and smiled at Carlisle.

"How does Edward not know?" I asked quietly, worried about my secret affair with Carlisle. Edward would be pissed if he found out. Carlisle shook his head and smoothed my hair, pushing me away. Obviously Edward was about to be here.

"Bella!" It was Edward.

I ran into his arms. It was like hitting a stone wall. A very muscular, man like wall, with gorgeous hair. I loved Edward, but I also loved Carlisle. I sighed. At least I wasn't in some stupid love triangle with a vampire and a werewolf. That would be stupid. I didn't even think werewolves existed. _Stupid books trying to give me the wrong ideas. Even if there were werewolves, I'm sure they would love the vampires _I thought happily while Edward was hugging me. After a few minutes though I started to get cold and shoved Edward away. Of course I couldn't really shove him away, he was a vampire, so I more or less pushed him and he stepped away from me.

"GUESS WHAT!" I screamed excitedly, even though the room full of vampires could have heard me anyway. Screaming just felt appropriate. In an instant I had all of their attention. I took a breath and tried to control my sheer joy. "James is here! And he said he's going to let me wither on the floor after he bites me!" All of the vampires looked at me with crazed expressions.

Edward was the first to speak.

"Bella, love…this…this is…" I held my breath, nervous of his answer, "Bella. This is WONDERFUL NEWS!" I let out the breath and hugged Edward. I was scared he would be mad then try to save me or something stupid like that.

"I'm so happy Edward!"

He nodded into my hair and then kissed my forehead. "We all know how you like to wither on the floor, Bella." I nodded eagerly and was lost in my thoughts for a few moments. By the time I returned to the present Edward had my bags packed and was standing next to me.

"Ready to go?" Carlisle asked me. I nodded eagerly and skipped to the door. This was going to be so much fun! As we went out to the car I suddenly remembered something.

"Oh yeah, and James has Alice and Jasper," I said nonchalantly. Everyone shrugged and we went back to walking to Edward's Volvo. I couldn't wait!

The ride over to the ballet studio was a pleasant one. We joked, laughed, and even played a game of eye spy. I sighed contently. This was the best way to spend a day, then getting to be bitten by a vampire and wither on the floor and become a vampire and then not kill humans because I'm going to be awesome like that. I sighed again. Yeah. Great day. When we did make it to the ballet studio, I started to get nervous. What if…well….what if James didn't _want_ to bite me. I gasped in horror and started to faint. Luckily, Edward caught me before I could hit the ground.

"Bella!" Edward and Carlisle and Esme and Emmett screamed. Not Rosalie though. She's a bitch. And not Alice and Jasper. They weren't with us at the present time. And not God, because I don't think he really cares that much about me at the moment when there's a war and an oil spill. But if there wasn't a war and an oil spill, he totally would have shouted 'Bella!' I felt comforted by that fact.

Slowly I sat up and the dizziness began to fade. "I'm ok. Just thought of something scary." They all looked at me with sad eyes. Except Rosalie. She's a bitch.

"What did you think of Bella, my love?" Edward asked me, gently laying a cold hand on my shoulder. I shuttered against his touch. Edward's eyes were soft and he looked into my open-book like eyes. They're so plain, and brown. And plain. "Bella, my love, if you're afraid of being bitten, I can do it." I gasped, this time in shock. Why would Edward ever think I'd want _him_ to bite me! To put him through the pain of having to drink my delicious blood while I got all the fun of withering on the floor? I couldn't do that to him.

I sighed unhappily. "Edward, I don't want you to bite me. I have my reasons." Edward seemed to understand. And by understand I mean he ran into the forest and started knocking down trees. I patted Carlisle's shoulder gently, as to not hurt myself. "Your son has anger issues." He nodded in agreement as we watched tree after tree fall down in the forest. _If only they had vampires in the logging business, then it wouldn't take as long to get trees,_ I thought happily. Then I saw movement in the corner of my eye. I turned slowly and gasped, running as fast as I could over to the thing that had caused the movement. I picked it up in my arms before it could run away.

"Awww! Look at the cute little squirrel!" I screamed and jumped around. I was sure I was sort of choking the squirrel, but I couldn't find myself caring at the present moment.

Then Emmett called over to me. "Bella, honey, put the squirrel down before you get AIDS." I nodded solemnly and set it down gently, patting its head as it scampered back off into the forest where Edward was cutting down trees. Everyone knows that you get AIDS from squirrels. It's because 99.9% of their bodies are made of aluminum. And everyone knows its aluminum that causes AIDS. I quickly walked back over to my vampire family and stood there with them for a moment. Then I started to get bored.

"What are we waiting for!" I whined, sitting on the ground and throwing rocks at passing cars, which didn't seem to notice the glittering vampires standing at a close dance studio. I sighed. This really was turning out to be a great day.

Esme was the one to answer. "We're waiting for James to tell us it's ok to come in, honey. Just be patient. These things take time." I frowned, but nodded. I decided to go sit by my phone, since it was way too heavy for me to carry. Just as I sat down, the phone rang.

When I picked it up, a man answered. "Hello again, dearest Bella," said the voice. I groaned again. Would Rent-a-Center ever give up? When I didn't say anything, the man on the other line sighed. "Bella, this isn't Rent-a-Center. It's James."

"Oh!" I said, surprised. Then I blushed. "I wasn't expecting you to call." I could hear James groan from inside of the studio.

After a moment of silence, James spoke again. "Well, uh, you can come in, I guess."

"OK!" I screamed. I was in a very scream-ish mood today. I slammed down the phone and ran to my vampire family. Of course that wasn't a smart idea, because I tripped on a molecule of air. It was a new record! Only 2 trips in the course of 3 hours. I was so proud of myself despite the fact my face was hurtling towards the ground. Thankfully Edward caught me, as usual. I smiled gratefully as he set me back upright. Then I turned around and began to carefully walk to the door of the ballet studio, my vampire family in tow.

It took us about 10 minutes to get there, because I had to walk very carefully. One foot in front of the other. Literally. So when we finally did get to the door, James was waiting in the threshold. I waved and walked into the studio, vampire family in tow. _If I could I would collar my vampire family and tow them around like little pets_ I thought eagerly. But, as everyone knows, you can't collar vampires and expect them to be ok with it.

We were all standing in the main room, not saying anything, just looking at each other. Then Alice and Jasper walked out.

"Oh My God it's my Bella Barbie!" Alice screamed. Apparently she was in a screaming mood too. She ran over to me and started to hug me as tight as she could. Which was pretty tight – I could barely breathe. I felt like that squirrel I had held a few minutes ago. Everyone in my vampire family 'awed'. Except Rosalie. She's a bitch. Finally, Alice let go. Jasper greeted me with wide eyes and an expression like he could eat me. I laughed.

"Oh Jasper. You're so funny!" He didn't look that convinced, but I let it slide. Today was about me, because I'm selfish like that. I looked around, and nobody looked like they were doing anything. "So are we going to get me bitten or what?" I asked impatiently. I wanted to be a vampire damn it! James shrugged and took my wrist in his hand. He bit it, sucked a little blood, then dropped my wrist in disgust.

"Bella! You're blood, it's so…so…plain!" James shouted and started to spit out my blood. Edward's eyes got wide.

"Take that back James! Bella's blood is the most delicious scent and probably the most delicious taste in the whole world!" Edward yelled, getting in James' face and growling.

James rolled his eyes. "Then why don't you taste Edward? Since it's so 'wonderful'." Edward hesitated for a moment, then walked over to me. I felt slightly woozy so I sat down on the floor.

Edward looked at me, pain clear in his eyes. He took my wrist in his hand and with his other he smoothed my hair. "I'm going to make it stop Bella. I'll make the pain of James' words go away." I whimpered and nodded, holding my wrist out to Edward. He lifted it up and bit in the same spot James had before dropping my wrist. His nose wrinkled. "Oh…shit….James you were right. Bella, your blood is plain." I nodded sadly. I was plain.

Then I had a flash-forward of my whole life. I saw me and Edward in a forest, Edward leaving me. I saw myself falling for Jacob, that nerd on the Reservation. I saw myself saving Edward for the first time in my life. I saw me trying to have sex with Edward and him rejecting me, saying that he wanted to wait when clearly that wasn't the case. I saw myself about to be eaten by Victoria. I saw myself pregnant and married to Edward and then he has to turn me….WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!

I came out of my flash forward and glared at Edward. "I'm not going to be a vampire today!" Alice blushed, if vampires could blush.

"Yeah, I sort of already knew that Bella. Your life has been predetermined by a series of books by Stephanie Meyers knows as the 'Twilight Saga'. Sorry." I stood up, rage clear on my face.

"GOD DAMN IT!" I screamed, still in my screaming mood. This was totally unfair. "How did she get to decide my fate Alice? I thought that I was in charge of that!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella you're a story character. Duh."

My eyes got wide. Being a story character was one of my biggest fears! "NO!" I screamed again and ran to get a piece of glass that was just randomly on the floor. And I stabbed myself in the heart.

*Stephanie Meyers' home*

Stephanie: Damn it Bella. Damn you to the deepest pit of hell where you belong. *hits delete button* That's definitely never going to happen. So let's see here, *types* I've never given much thought to how I would die…


End file.
